The Misadventures of the Akechi Detective Agency
by I.W.P-chan
Summary: Akechi Goro runs a private detective agency, and Kurusu Akira is his assistant who sometimes functions as his Hot Secretary. Sometimes.


Summary: Akechi Goro runs a private detective agency, and Kurusu Akira is his assistant who sometimes functions as his Hot Secretary. Sometimes.

 _Note: I fully blame this on_ _ **makesomehassle**_ _who said something months ago that made me think of doing a shuake detective agency AU._

 **IWP** : great you just inspired me for yet ANOTHER AU I should kill you.

 **MSH** : You should thank me, you mean.

 _And on another note, this fic may get updated depending on inspiration (and Akira needling me to get an appearance as the promised Hot Secretary) so until then, it'll stay as a one-shot._

 **Warnings: Older!Akechi &Akira, Detective Agency AU, Crossdressing Akira Back At It Again.**

 **Disclaimer:** Don't own P5.

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"Welcome!" Goro smiled kindly at the girl standing at the door to his detective agency; she was around high school age, with dark hair tied into a ponytail at the back of her head, and bangs that framed her exhaustion-lined face, "Please come in. Is there something that you need?"

The girl almost startled, as if she expected him to tell her to leave, and hesitantly stepped into Goro's office.

Goro gestured her to one of the couches in the office, and she walked towards it. He noticed the limp she was trying to hide; why, he had no idea, as the knee brace she wore gave away the fact that her leg wasn't in perfect working condition.

Goro observed the girl carefully as she sat on the couch he pointed out to, smoothing her Shujin red-and-black uniform skirt in a nervous gesture; he then walked around his desk to sit opposite her.

"Tea? Coffee?" Akira's voice came from the small kitchen's doorway as he poked his head out to stare at the two sitting in the office.

Goro looked inquisitively at the girl and she almost startled before she shook her head, "You don't need to bother yourself."

Akira cocked his head to the side before shrugging and leaving the kitchen to sit at edge of Goro's desk, throwing his legs over the armrest of the couch Goro sat on and pushing his feet against the side of Goro's thigh; Goro poked him in the shin but he didn't even twitch in response.

Goro returned his gaze to the girls and smiled gently at her, "Would you tell me what troubles you, miss?"

"My name is Suzui Shiho," She spoke, her voice soft, but the glint in her eyes showed her determination, "And I'm here to ask for your help about something that's happening at my school."

Goro inclined his head, "Go on,"

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After Suzui left the office, Akira gravitated towards Goro, draping himself across Goro's lap and taking out his phone to fiddle with it.

Goro's right hand reached to thread through Akira's hair while his left propped his head as he braced his elbow on the back of the couch he sat on.

"Kamoshida Suguru," Goro murmured, a frown marring his face.

Akira poked him in the side, "Former professional athlete and volleyball Olympic champion, currently the PE teacher and volleyball team coach at Shujin. What are you going to do next?"

"I'm a detective." Goro smiled winningly at Akira, "It's in my job description to snoop around. Get ready to approach Shujin's students."

Akira rolled off Goro and dropped into the floor in a crouch before he lazily climbed to his feet and stretched causing his shirt to ride up, and Goro's eyes trailed towards the exposed strip of Akira's skin between the waist of his pants and the hem of his shirt.

"Oho? Like what you see, _detective_?" Akira's teasing voice snapped him out of his staring and he looked up to see Akira giving him a lecherous grin.

Goro rolled his eyes, "Of course I do- I have eyes. Now go, we need to get ready."

"Sure thing, hon."

Goro shook his head fondly as Akira sashayed out of the office to head to their apartment upstairs, and stood up to follow him.

It was a testament to how many times they did it that they didn't need to talk out loud to discuss what they were going to do next after Goro declared that they would be approaching Shujin students.

They both knew how this song and dance went.

And that meant getting dressed appropriately.

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"Excuse me." Ann blinked and turned towards the direction of the voice to see a girl around her own age with messy black hair and a pair of sparkling gray eyes behind a pair of glasses wave to her.

"Yes?" She inquired, slightly cautiously as the other girl approached her "Is there something I could help you with?"

The other girl smiled at her apologetically, "Sorry to startle you but I couldn't help but notice your clothes- you're from Shujin, aren't you?" The girl seemed to not need a confirmation as she continued, "My name is Ren and my friend attends the same school as you. She's a member of the volleyball team and-" Ann stiffened as she realized what the girl was going to talk about next, "-she always looks so exhausted, and tries to hide her bruises from me.

"I don't know a lot about volleyball, but I know you shouldn't practice so much with injuries, or while exhausted, so, do you have any idea why the team would be so adamant to continue such rigorous practice? Every time I ask about why the coach allows something like that to happen, she clams up and looks scared. I once even told her I'll go to her coach directly about this myself if I had to and she broke down crying and begging me not to go anywhere near him."

Ann felt the blood drain from her face; this Ren couldn't have picked a better (and worse) person to approach about the topic.

It was eerie.

Ann was tempted to rebuff the girl and not say anything, but Ren fixed her with a pair of beseeching wide-eyes.

Ann, unfortunately, couldn't turn the girl away.

(Though Ann herself could only half-help her own friend, it didn't mean that she could stop someone else from attempting the same thing.)

(And anyway, the girl was from a different school, so she wasn't as immersed with the terrified atmosphere everyone who got involved with Kamoshida grew steeped in, so she may even- dare Ann hope- have a better chance at it.)

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Goro sighed as he trudged back into the agency, pulling his hair out of the small ponytail at the back of his head and tugging off the jacket he had wrapped around his waist.

He had zero luck with any of the students he managed to approach today; apparently he still looked older enough than Sakamoto, despite Goro's serious attempt at appearing younger than he was, that Sakamoto brushed him off and refused to listen to him, and Mishima was too timid to stay around him for any extended amount of time in Goro's presence.

He dropped into the couch in his office and waited for Akira to return.

He'd called Akira earlier to check if he had any better luck, but according to his assistant, while he did manage to get information out of Takamaki Ann, she didn't tell him anything they hadn't heard of before from Suzui.

Around fifteen minutes later, Akira stepped into the office and flopped next to Goro, toeing off his high heels and kicking his feet up on the coffee table.

"Take your feet off the table, _Aki_ ," Goro groaned, and Akira scoffed as he took off his fake glasses and raked his hand through his hair.

"Not the time for this, _Goro-chan_."

Goro scowled, a retort on the tip of his tongue before he swallowed it and groaned again and threw his head against the back of the couch; getting into a snark contest with Akira was tempting right now, but it wasn't the time for it.

(Or the place; god knew the two would then need to relocate to their apartment upstairs for… _Reasons_.)

"So, what do we do next, Goro-chan?" Akira asked him and Goro threw his arm over his eyes.

"What we always do, Aki-chan, we break and enter in the name of information gathering."

"I _love_ our Plan B." Goro didn't need to see Akira's face to know that he was grinning wickedly at Goro at the moment.

"Of course you do; Plan B is _all_ your fault."

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Deleted scene:

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Akira narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists, "We have to do it, even if I had to seduce Kamoshida for it to work."

Akira looked dead serious, and Goro could only do one thing.

He reached into one of his drawers and withdrew a spray bottle.

"Bad kitty." He spritzed Akira with a few squirts of water from the bottle, and Akira reared back, hissing in surprise, "No seducing targets. No seducing Kamoshida."

"Hey!" Akira looked both shocked and indignant before he recovered and climbed over the desk to drop himself into Goro's lap to try and reach for the spray bottle, "Gimme that!"

"No." Goro stretched his arm away from Akira, who narrowed his eyes at Goro.

"Give it to me before I make you regret it."

"Nope."

" _Urgh!_ "

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End


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